"Bound by their fears of being exposed as imposters, these women have kept secrets that they believed would ruin them.  And there were patterns I couldn't help but see as I read--faith, family, friends, careers, etc.--all areas in which women assumed they were alone in their struggles.  From where I was sitting I could see all of their words along with everyone else's, but they didn't have the benefit of that viewpoint.  Just their own keyboard and the hope that they wouldn't be judged by the contents of the message they wrote.  It's a microcosm of what the Lord must see everyday as He watches His daughters walk through life without seeing the hearts of the women around them." quote from "What Women Fear; Walking in Faith that Transforms" by Angie Smith.
 
This paragraph caught my attention as I was reading chapter 3 for our women's small group meeting.  The last sentence especially spoke to me, "It's a microcosm of what the Lord must see everyday as He watches His daughters walk through life without seeing the hearts of the women around them."  This sentence actually broke my heart and I thought about how true it is.  I feel, as a woman, I have an incredibly hard time not comparing myself to other women both outwardly and inwardly.  I have caught myself doing it quite often.  I am thankful that I am finally aware of it and am working to change it.  Whenever I am comparing myself I try to change it by remembering that I only need to be concerned with how God sees me and the work He wants to do and is doing in my life.  I remind myself to look at my outside through the lenses of what God is doing on the inside.  He is creating beautiful restoration and wholeness.  It's ok for me to reflect that on the outside and choose clothes and things that I like, not because I saw the same outfit on someone else and it looked fantastic.  I need to look for what works for me.  As I begin to take this approach with myself, I see the same struggle in other women.  My heart breaks for them.  I see their need to maintain a facade.  I catch glimpses of the "them" they don't want anyone else to see.
 

When I see another woman struggling in this battle I want to shout from a mountaintop how she doesn't have to battle like this.  She doesn't have to keep up the facade.  To keep up the facade is to keep at arms length those who have the courage to unconditionally love her.  One example Angie gives in her book of this type of woman is one she says was a pillar in her church as a women's Bible study leader yet she questioned her own salvation.  Others who said people see them as more spiritual as they feel they actually are.  Still others who felt their marriages where just a sham.  They all tell the same story, "It isn't what it looks like, and if people only knew the real story...".
 
Our women's small group experienced just the opposite.  Last night, as we were discussing this chapter just about every lady in attendance took a turn sharing very real hurts and struggles.  One lady in particular took almost the entire 2 hours sharing a current struggle she is in and the pain and heartache that is coming along with it.  The rest of us rallied around her and gave her encouragement and support for as long as she needed it.  It was beautiful, powerful, and simply amazing!  She let down her walls of who she thought we might think she is and let us enter her world for what it really is.  What she found was grace and unconditional love.  I think at times it was difficult for her to receive it and she almost wanted to shut it down...but she didn't.  She continued to let us in and now I am certain she feels love and support like she's never known.
 
As I think back on last night there is still a part of my heart that aches.  I wish for all of us to feel this same love and support.  Of course, it must start with the One who knows best how to love us unconditionally.  Here's another quote from Angie's book.  She says this is the answer that Jesus gave through His actions on the road leading to Nazareth.  The answer to some questions that may have been asked by the woman just before she touched the hem of His garment and that may even be asked by some of us: "Is my sin too great?  Does He even care?  Maybe He'll just go on His way to more important things.  I'm one in a crowd of millions.  Who in the world do I think I am, calling out to the King?"  Here is His answer:
 
"You are the one I stop for.
You are the one I long to heal.
I know your name.  I know your heart.  I know everything about you, including that we would meet here today.
You are the one who sought me and I delighted in knowing your hand would reach for My hem in faith.  What you saw as an act of desperation, I saw as an act of love.  How many never reach out to Me at all because they don't think it would make a difference?
Now go in peace and newness of life."
 
I am really looking forward to small group next week. :)